No Fixing You
You keep saying you’ll get back on track, but you can’t.
“It’s not about willpower!” We are over that. But it is. It’s a part of it.
Can’t you push through?
Pick yourself up and grab the glue to put yourself back together again.
Permanently fractured in all sorts of ways, there is no fixing you these days.
*artwork and tattoo by @nickdevine @helterskeltercustomtattoo
Pictures As Feelings
Sometimes I have no motivation or feel any type of creativity. But, I always try to take a lot of pictures anyways so I have a stock to use.
I take pictures of animals, people, plants, places, oils and things. So, when I’m feeling uncreative (is that a word?😂) I scroll through the roll and find nuggets like this toilet picture.
This perfectly displays how I’ve been feeling lately.
Me inside a nice shiny and clean shit bowl, with a smile on my face and cute ponytail. Enjoy. ❤
You’ll Catch Your Death
The water through the rocks,
sifting the silt and mud.
Runs over her toes half exposed.
No blood left, flesh rotted from the bone.
But, noone can escape the smell.
If you are lucky, you’ll go way before you get old.
The soul rotted from the inside, but who can really tell.
The smell though. That is what we know.
Going out to the water and rocks. You’ll catch your death below.
Sea Is Calling Me
It’s semi-cold in Hatteras today. Like-60°. 😂
But, I never get bored walking the beaches. No sunshine is the best time for me because of my skin conditions.
No 🌞 = No 🔥
So, on thanksgiving week, I am grateful for the peacefulness of waves crashing and the opportunity to just be here today.
Travel Tips…(That I will most likely forget or ignore over and over again)
When I was on active duty, I was in charge of taking care of people, their safety, millions of dollars in equipment-the usual. 😂
So, I would always check my work on the planes, have someone else check it, then check it again. This was almost to the point of obsession and then, at times, getting frozen into inaction worrying about the completeness of my work.
Now that my life is on a different path and I’m settling into being “a normal citizen” I have slowed down tremendously.
What did I do to speed it back up? Spent most of my meager savings on a trip to England and Amsterdam. Crazy, I know, but I am not getting any younger and you can’t take your 💰 with ya when you go.
Did I do a stellar job of making sure all my chargers, sd cards, remotes for cameras etc. worked…or check and triple check I had everything…NOPE
So, my advice would be to make sure everything you bring actually works 😉 and you have all pieces of equipment or items you will need.
I am telling myself these are lessons learned but, I know me and I will probably not do any of that again next time.😂
Always Wanting
Take it, as you see. Take me.
How do you feel around me?
Body is so cold and I am alone on these streets.
Silly as I am. I wanted you because of you.
Not your face. Not your fame. Nothing but your insides do appeal to me.
I will never see. Walked down those freezing streets alone.
To be with me alone.
I am stuck with me but wanting you.
Sunshine In Amsterdam
Just when I think everything is shit and I’m stuck in the circus of my head, the universe will throw me a sunny day. Then, miraculously I’m able to catch a glimpse of gratitude to help put things back into perspective.
I’m not a failure if I am still here.
Darkness Taking Over The Light
Moon overtakes the sun. Sun overtakes the moon. Death always becomes us.
Vulnerability
I was watching a YouTube video, and the woman was talking about how being vulnerable is a part of finding your strength, happiness and success. As I was listening, it began to make more and more sense to me. Putting myself “out there” with friendships, career, new ideas and basically a lot of scary things is how I will grow, learn and eventually find my “why”.
For me, this last year has been difficult and almost daily ask myself “why am I here, what am I supposed to be doing with my life and where do I fit in the world around me?”
I have lived a majority of my life in fear. Fear of authority, fear of failure, fear of not having enough, fear of people not liking me… the list goes on. But, lately I’ve moved past SOME of that to push through the fears and what a world there is out there! Lol
Small changes count. Baby steps count. Listening counts. Today, don’t be scared.
Fuzzy Cat Playin
My spirit guide, Huki. She’s going to be 7 and besides passing out on the porch like a drunk sailor, she likes to play.
Evening At The Boat House
Spending the evening relaxing with friends, getting mosquito bites and enjoying laughs. 
GinasCaravan 