I have been with an institution for almost 2 decades, that many people base their entire identity on. For me, part of my soul growth has come from the pain of realizing I have outgrown my career.

Is that ok? Yup.

Does it feel good to find out you’re not like everyone else and have completely different needs and goals?  Nope.

I’ve always struggled with needing people to like me. Logic and “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” has told me that I shouldn’t give a shit about that. But, I’m human.

I feel like an outsider sitting at the weekly office meetings, walking through the hallways and walking to my car in the evenings. “What fool would WASTE their career after all of this time? Why would you throw all that we did for you away?”

Kinda harsh. But ok.

Any great memories I have, all the places I have been, all the skills I’ve learned along the way will never be thrown away or erased. I have had a long run in my job and I’ve worked very hard, but now I have to take care of me. My road is veering off from theirs; I am starting to repair the damage that years of hard work and hard living can do to a person. A wise person once said: “you can’t save your ass and your face at the same time.”

I certainly can’t. I reached a point where I felt like I had no soul.

I am grateful and scared. But, as long as I make the decision for me, it will never be wrong.

One Comment on “Outsider-ism

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